July 1, 2008

I was walking through Borders the other day and passed a display of a book called Skinny Bitch. The title is an amazing marketing tactic because I picked it up and started reading. It’s fairly short, and more than fairly stupid as a diet book. It’s more like… surprise you fat bitch! Be a vegan! This article says my thoughts without me having to type them out. :)

http://www.salon.com/mwt/feature/2008/02/11/skinny_bitch/

You know how I know pretty much everything about weight is fucked up? I went shopping with a size 2 friend and she called herself fat and guessed that I am a size 0 (I MOSDEF AM NOT… what a laughable idea). That’s some warped thinking for you.

I made a comment about “getting fatter” in jest and a friend went “You’re not fat! You and [aforementioned size 2 friend]! Keeping thinking you’re fat when you’re not!” My auto response was “I don’t think I’m fat” and right when those words came out of my mouth, I felt regret. Regret. Like I had done something wrong. Oops. Every girl is supposed to think she’s fat. Every girl DOES think she’s fat. I know SO MANY girls on diets who do not need to be. They are all thin and so darn beautiful. But none of that matters. I see girls scold each other for eating carbs, eat two bites of their meals, skip class to work out…

This isn’t any individual person’s fault. You can’t help but worry about weight and looks. You’d get made fun of like all the other fat, ugly girls you hear people talk crap about. There’s this idea we’ve been taught: nobody will find you attractive if you are fat. Nobody will want to be around you. Nobody will like you.

So what’s a girl to do? Try not to be fat of course.

Some days are better than others. Truth is, days where I’d say without hesitation that I’m not fat are few and far between.